Loud House: The Musical
by Foolsgold Fenrir
Summary: A fun lil' parody complication of each Loud sibling singing a song that fits them, in a variety of situations.
1. Be Prepared

_(The scene opens up with Lynn glaring at a rather muscular jock on the playing field)_

"Ugh... just _look_ at all of that wasted potential." Lynn growled. "Even when looking like that, and somehow being the captain of our team, he still can't play for squat!"

"Yeah, we've been losing games left and right ever since he was appointed." Margo replied.

"I know, and it's driving me insane! I've gotta do something about this."

"Well, what can you do? Kick him out?" she asked sarcastically.

Lynn turned towards her and gave a smug grin. _"Precisely..."_

She called the rest of the team except for the captain. They quickly came up to her confused.

 **Lynn:**

I know that you're not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed  
If I were to simply lecture, it'd go right out of your head  
But thick as you are... _pay attention!_  
My words are a matter of prideful intentions

 _(She waves her hand in front of one of the teammate's faces, who simply stares ahead)_  
It's clear from your apathetic expressions...  
Your skills aren't being put to their full potential  
But we are talking _fame_ and _fortunes!_  
 _(She lunges at one of her teammates and tackles her to the ground, then gets up)  
_ Even _you_ can surely see my leadership is essential!

So _prepare_ for the chance of a lifetime!  
Be prepared for sensational news!  
A shining new era,  
Is tiptoeing nearer!

 **Margo:**

And when do _we_ feature?

 **Lynn:**

Just listen to teacher.

I know it's a bit underhanded  
But I'm being candid  
With how _amazing_ the playoffs are gonna be  
Once we get rid of him, you see  
When at last I am given my position  
 _And winning deliciously squared!  
Be prepared!_

 **Random player:**

Yea, be prepared! Haha!  
I'll be prepared!  
 _(confused)_ For what?

 **Lynn:**

 _(flatly)_ For the removal of the captain.

 **Random player:**

Why, did he break a leg or something?

 **Lynn:**

No, fool, we're gonna get him kicked off the team!  
 _And his little lackey too._

 **Margo:**

Hey, great idea!  
Who needs a captain?!

 **Entire team:**

 _No captain, no captain, la la la la la la!_

 **Lynn:**

 _(facepalms)_  
 _Idiots! There will BE a captain!_

 **Random player #2:**

Wait, but you said-

 **Lynn:**

 _I_ will be captain!  
 _(She jumps up onto the goalpost and puffs out her chest pridefully)_  
Stick with me...  
And you'll _never lose a game again!_

 **Entire team:**

Yaaaaaay! Alright! Long live Lynnsanity!  
 _Long live Lynnsanity!_  
 _Long live Lynnsanity!_

 _It's great that we'll soon be connected_  
 _With an athlete who'll be all-time adored_

 **Lynn:**

Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected  
To take certain duties on board  
The future is littered with golden medals and trophies  
And though I'm the main addressee  
The point that I must emphasize is...  
 _(She jumps down from the goalpost in front of an unfortunate teammate, holding him up in a wedgie)_  
 _(roaring) YOU WOULDN'T SCORE A SINGLE GOAL WITHOUT ME!_  
 _(She lets go of him and returns to the main field as though nothing happened)_

So prepare for the triumph of the century!  
Be prepared for the foulest move!  
Meticulous planning  
Tenacity spanning  
An entire season of denial  
Is simply why I'll  
Be captain undisputed  
Respected, saluted  
 _(They salute her)_  
 _And seen for the WONDER I am!_  
Yes, my knuckles and ambitions are bared  
Be prepared!

 **Entire team:  
**  
 _Yes, our knuckles and ambitions are bared_

 **Lynn:**

 _Be prepared!_

 _ **(End.)**_


	2. Poor Unfortunate Souls

**_(A/N): It's been way too long since I last updated this one. I've been wanting to for quite some time, and finally got the inspiration to do so. So, hope you like it somewhat, and if not that's fine too._**

* * *

 _(The scene opens with Girl Jordan walking away from the rest of the kids during recess outside. She opens the doors of Royal Woods Elementary school and walks inside. She continued walking until she came across the janitor's closet. The door creaked as she opened it.)_

 _(It was very dark inside, and she could just barely make out another figure in the darkness from how the glitter of its pink dress shone, in the far end of the room.)_

"Oh, Jordan, is that you?" The figure asked without turning around.

"Y-yeah, it's me. Though, why do we have to meet up in here of all places? It's all cramped and smells musky." Girl Jordan complained.

Suddenly, the figure turned on a single light bulb hanging from the ceiling, illuminating the room. The figure turned around, revealing herself to be none other than Lola Loud. The little amount of light combined with some shadows still around made her glowering glare all the more unnerving.

Terrifying as she was, though, she came here for a reason.

"Listen here, Miss Mouthy, the kind of work that I do isn't something I do out in the open. Sure, people know to come to me when they need something, but it's still gotta be done in private!" Lola growled. "I would have gone with the girls' bathroom, but there's still the risk of someone walking in on our discussion. So, the janitor's closet is the best option here, understand?!"

It wasn't often that Jordan felt intimidated by a six year old girl, but Lola sure knew how to make the hairs of her neck stand up. "Alright alright, I'm sorry. Can you please just help me out here?"

Lola's glare and scowl twisted into a wide grin that exposed her tooth gap. "My sweet darling… it's what I do! It's what I _live_ for. To help unfortunate people like yourself!" Jordan shivered as she came over and placed a finger under her chin with a smirk. Though she was considerably shorter, she still managed to intimidate her.

"Poor souls… with no one else to turn to." Lola circled around her like a wolf getting ready to attack a little lamb.

 **Lola:**

I admit that in the past I've been a nasty

They weren't kidding when they called me, well, a brat

But you'll find that nowadays

I've mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light and changed to no longer be a twat

 _(She takes out her lucky princess wand and starts fiddling around with it)_

And I fortunately know how to thrive in a world of secrets

It's a talent that always have possessed

And here lately, please don't laugh

I've used it on behalf

Of the miserable, unlucky and obsessed!

 _(under her breath)_ Pathetic…

Poor unfortunate souls

In trouble, in need

This one longing to be thinner,

 _(She shows Jordan a picture of a very skinny girl clutching her stomach and a look of pain on her face)_

This one wants to get the girl

 _(She throws away the other picture and shows her another one, this time of a boy stalking another girl that has another boy by her side from afar. She throws the photo off to the side and holds her hand with both of her own gloved ones in a shoddy attempt of reassuring her)_

And do I help them?  
Yes indeed!

Those poor unfortunate souls

So sad, so true

They come flocking to my lair

Crying "plans, Lola, please!"

And I help them?  
Yes I do!

 _(She starts spinning and twirling around the room. Jordan frantically turns her head around to try not to lose sight of her. After a few seconds of that she stops and seems to cool down for a bit.)_

 _(frowning)_ Now it's happened once or twice

Someone tried to scam me and get out of paying the price

And I'm afraid

I had to _ruin their face with my nails…_

 _(She splays her fingers out in front of Jordan's face and takes off the glove, revealing light pink nails curved pointy and sharp like those of a cat. She then puts the glove back on and moves her hand away)_

Yes, there was this one incident

When it turned out someone's secret wasn't secured in cement

Put into his rep a sizeable dent

 _(She shows her a picture of Chandler in the middle of a circle with other students pointing and laughing. On his back is a sign that reads "Princess Pony lover")_

But otherwise, I've been a saint

To those poor unfortunate souls!

 _(Lola grabs Jordan by the collar of her shirt and pulled her down to her level)_

"Now, here's the deal…" She said, no longer singing and taking on a more serious tone. "I will put together a plan that's guaranteed to get you that guy you've been pining for, in no more than three days!" She indicated with her fingers. She let go of her shirt collar and crossed her arms. "Got that?"

Girl Jordan nodded her head.

"Now notice this, this is important. After someone tried to take my services for granted and without paying up, I now have a policy where you must pay the agreed payment upfront." Lola took out a piece of paper attached as a scroll and jotted a few things down. "Just so you know, I put together all the plans and set up your opportunities. _You_ are the one who needs to make the pieces fall into place, so he won't know about my involvement."

"That sounds fair." Jordan replied.

"I may be devious, but I do still have honor and dignity. As any princess should. So, if it doesn't work out by three days, you get your payment back. Although I've never failed before, so that probably won't happen. But! Here's the catch." She jabbed a finger at her. "I'll be keeping a close eye on you for those three days. That way, I can tell that my time isn't being wasted and in the off-chance you decide to try and fail it just for your money back…"

She did a throat-slitting gesture. Hearing a high-pitched gasp of fear made her all the more satisfied. "I take it that I made myself clear."

"Yeah, you did, definitely. Just don't hurt me!"

"That all depends on how things play out. Just don't make me cross… and they won't have to cross your name out from the list of people alive. Oh! And one last thing. The payment!"

"Yeah, you… never told me exactly how much this would cost, so I brought all the money I've been saving since the beginning of the year. It was supposed to be for all those bake sales, but I decided over the summer that I was gonna try to get in touch with you." Jordan took out a wallet full of money, some of the bills nearly spilling out.

Lola put a finger on her chin and gave a mused "Hmm… how much have you got?"

"It's around uh…" She counted it up. "It's around 20 bucks."

"Splendid! I'll take all of that right around now." The pageant princess held out her hand expectantly.

Jordan was about to hand it over, but then stopped short. "Wait, I just thought of something. Isn't this whole scheme, meddling with love and all, kinda dishonest?"

Lola groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Oh please, it won't cost much. A new boyfriend, and hey, who knows, maybe even husband in the future in less than three days. For just 20 dollars! It's a pretty good deal, in my opinion. And here's a tip, free of charge."

 **Lola:**

The boys around here don't like a whole lotta blabber

They think a girl who gossips is a bore

Yes around here it's much preferred

For ladies not to say a word

Or, at least, not too much

You've still gotta talk a little bit, I'm not stealing your voice!

But after all, dear

What is idle prattle for? Come on!

They're not all that impressed with conversation

True gentlemen avoid it when they can!

But they dote and swoon and fawn

On a lady who's withdrawn

It's she who holds her tongue that gets a man!

And I'd prefer it if you held your tongue around me too

You're on thin ice already

 _(She wags her finger)_

Come one!  
You poor unfortunate soul!

 _(She gets all up in her face)_

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

I'm a very busy girl, and I haven't got all day!

It won't cost much,

Just a few lies, and some money!

You poor unfortunate soul

It's sad, but true

If you want to cross the bridge, my sweet

You've got to pay the toll!

Take a gulp and take a breath

And go ahead and sign the scroll!

 _(She throws a pen at her client, who immediately does sign it)_

The boss is on a roll!  
This poor, unfortunate, _SOULLLLLLLLLL!_

 _ **(End.)**_


	3. Friends On The Other Side

_(The scene opens with Lucy and two of her friends, Haiku and Rocky. They are walking through the Loud house down the hall, with all the lights turned off. They get to Lucy's room, illuminated only by the candles they are holding.)_

"So, you said something about black magic, didn't you?" Rocky asked.

Lucy nodded. "Yes. I may seem like a typical goth on the outside, but on the inside… there is so much more to learn."

Haiku squinted her eyes and placed her hands on her hips. "Hmm… I dunno how much I can believe that. After all, she does read Princess Po-"

" _Don't you disrespect me, little girl!"_ Lucy hissed, jabbing a finger at her.

"But I'm older than y-"

"Don't you derogate, or deride."

Suddenly, the candle flames were blown out, plunging the three kids' world into darkness. And then just as suddenly, they flickered and illuminated the room again. Now, Lucy was holding a large scepter with a silver snarling dragon's head as the crowning ornament. Its eyes glowed a bright burning red, bathing the room in a faint reddish light.

 **Lucy:**

You're in my world now, not your world

And I've got friends on the other side

 _(Echoes of "she's got friends on the other side" could be heard, accompanied by many pairs of glowing yellow beady eyes peering at them in the darkness)_

That's an echo, lady and gentleman

Just a little something we have in the Loud house, a traditionally old little trick, don't you worry

 _(She pats them on the head with false reassurance. An ornamental rug is laying in the center of the room between Lucy and Lynn's beds)_

Sit down on the rug

Put your minds at ease

If you relax, it will enable me to do

 _(She lightly pushes them towards it and has them sit down, while she sits down in the middle)_

Anything I please

 _(A flurry of cards blows through the air around them)_

I can read your future

 _(Lucy plucks two of the cards and bends them in half before handing them to Haiku and Rocky, confusing them)_

I can change it 'round some, too

I'll look deep into your heart and soul

 _(She leans in towards Rocky's face while holding the staff, who backs up a bit and squints due to the red eyes staring him down)_

You do have a soul, right Rocky?

 _(He nods and she stands upright again)_

Make your wildest dreams _("and sometimes nightmares", she whispers)_ come true

 _(She takes out a voodoo doll of Lynn and throws it away, then takes out a human skull covered with ashes that she also throws away)_

I've got voodoo, I've got hoodoo

 _(She takes out a small box, out of which a large demonic shadow leaps out of before she shuts it again and throws that away too)_

I've got things that I haven't even tried

And I've got friends on the other side…

 _(Several shadows with tiki masks surround them and echo "She's got friends on the other side…" behind them, but disappear as soon as Haiku and Rocky turn around)_

The cards, the cards, the cards shall tell

 _(The fame storm of cards from before swirls around them and land in a neat pile in Lucy's right hand. She throws three cards from the deck face-down in front of her)_

The past, the present and the future as well

 _(She shuffles them again and presents a handful to them)_

The cards, just take three

And the future shall unfold in front of thee

 _(The other two do so, taking three random cards each. Lucy reaches for a crystal ball and places her hands onto it. A cold blue mist emits from it and fills up the entire room. In this state, Lucy takes the opportunity to address Haiku)_

Now you, little girl-

 _(Haiku opens her mouth to object at the name again but is shushed)_

-have a magical history

A family tree of sorcery

 _(She leans on Haiku's left shoulder and holds up a picture of Great Grandma Harriet. Her apparition appears behind them at a larger-than-life scale)_

Y'know, I myself have magic in my blood, passed down from my great grandmother's heritage

But due to society's standards you've since lost that touch, and so as such

You need to dip your toes back into those waters

'Cause there's some potential in you that they'd love to see very much

 _(Harriet's spirit vanishes and Lucy is now standing behind her as a splitting image, despite being much smaller than the spirit's appearance. She stops singing and switches to her normal deadpan way of talking)_

"Mommy and daddy wanted you to grow up 'normal' and cut you off from that stuff, eh?" Lucy asked casually and sighed. "Guess they're not keeping that much of an eye on you, seeing that you're here in my lair."

"I suppose. I mean, they don't mind me being a goth, but they think it's just a phase." Haiku shrugged.

"See, that's what's tying you down. You wanna be free like a black cat, coming and going as you please." Cliff leapt onto Lucy's arms, almost as if on cue. "But you won't get that freedom by just moping around and doing nothing. You won't go anywhere in life without practice, but what you need most of all are… _connections._ " She whispered the last part even lower than her already low voice.

 **Lucy:**

It's not only what you know, but who you know

 _(She takes out a card and hands it to Haiku. It shows a picture of her wielding a scepter similar to Lucy's but with a wolf's head and blue eyes as the crowning ornament instead)_

And when I look into your future, I see you'll find exactly who need to help your power grow

 _(She turns toward Rocky, who had been staring with a mesmerized expression. She snaps her fingers to get him out of his trance, making him blink a few times until he regains focus)_

Now as for you, little man, you're adorable but I have to be blunt

You have potential as well, but you've been dealt a bad hand

And it's not your fault, you don't deserve such a punishment

 _(She flips over the first of the three cards he took earlier. It showed a picture of him being rejected by a group of people sitting down, with the hands out pushing him away)_

You've been pushed around, only to be rejected by your brother, your mother, and even who you thought were friends

 _(She flips over the second card. It showed a picture of a girl walking away laughing, with Rocky holding a wilted rose and frowning)_

And I can tell that you once had a special someone you were pining over, only to be pushed around and then rejected by her too

 _(Rocky frowns at the memory. However, his frown turns into a wide grin when he sees what's on the last card that's now been flipped as well. It shows a picture of him looking smug and with a different girl by his side. She looked somewhat similar to Lucy herself, but Rocky thought it was just a coincidence)_

But in your future, is a you that's become confident and magnificent

And exactly the you that you've always wanted to be, but you must remain persistent

 _(She winked. Then, the blue mist dissipated and the room was pitch black, aside from a single red glow shining over her face as though she were holding a flashlight. She held out her hands to her two friends, trying to tempt them)_

Go on, shake my hand. Come on, I don't bite… usually anyway

Won't you shake a poor sinner's hand?

 _(Haiku does so hesitantly, while Rocky does so quickly and with much enthusiasm)_

 _Yes…_

 _(The room lit up, now full of bright glowing purples, greens, whites and blues. Many odd creatures reveal themselves and flock around the room)_

Are you ready?

 _(An echo of "are you ready" could be heard while two snakelike cat demons with horns and a body covered in fur coils around and constricts Haiku, grinning and bearing their sharp, jagged teeth at her)_

Are you ready?!

 _(A large tiki mask emerges from the ground with its mouth open and a bright blue light emitting from it. Lucy reaches in and pulls out an odd-looking trinket, purple in color and shaped like a sphere with edges)_

Transformation central!

(Transformation central)

 _(Lucy goes around and takes two blood samples from them by swiping their faces once each with the edges of the trinket, making them wince in pain for a second. The blood starts to spread out all around it in little red cracks)_

Reformation central!

(Reformation central)

 _(Suddenly, Lucy morphs into a dragonlike creature, Haiku morphs into a wolf halfway, and Rocky morphs into a lion halfway)_

Transmogrification central!

(Can you feel it?)

You're changin', you're changin', you're changin' all riiiight

I hope you're satisfied

 _(She crossed her arms and turned her head away in a poutlike stance while towering above them)_

But if you ain't, don't blame me

 _(She guides her right hand over and pans toward the myriad of strange creatures)_

You can blame my friends on the other… _siiiiiiide!_

(You got what you wanted

But you lost what you had!)

 _(Lucy chuckled a few "ha's" monotonically. The three of them shifted back to their regular human appearances and the colors and lights of the room faded away, only leaving the candlelight. She then blew those out too.)_

 _ **(End.)**_


	4. Stray (Tom)cat Strut

**_(A/N): So this is the first chapter that parodies a song that isn't from Disney. It's called Stray Cat Strut by, well, The Stray Cats. I had a few ideas for a different cat-related song to use for her, including Thomas O'Malley and Everybody Wants To Be A Cat, but I think this one fits her character the most. Mostly for the garbage can line, heh. Either way I had a blast writing this and I hope you can enjoy it too. See ya guys next time!_**

* * *

 _(The scene opens at nightfall in the Loud's backyard. A medium-sized figure can be seen darting around before leaning against the fence and turning around. A moonbeam shines down on the spot, revealing the figure to be none other than Lana.)_

 **Lana:**

Red-capped stray tomcat leanin' on a fence

 _(She starts twirling her cap on her right hand before placing it back on her head)_

I'm just six so I ain't payin' no bills

I'm one of the gross kids but I don't care

I strut right by with my head n' wrench in the air

 _(She hops away from the fence and struts out of the backyard onto the sidewalk while holding an open-ended wrench)_

Stray tomcat strut, I'm a ladies' gal

 _(While walking down the sidewalk she comes across Lindsey Sweetwater, who is walking in the other direction with her mother. Lana points two finger guns and winks at her while grinning and giving a little 'Heyyy." Lindsey just gives her a weird look)_

Ooh, feline casanova, HEY! Ey now, that's that.

 _(Suddenly, a large worker's shoe gets thrown at her, which she successfully dodges)_

Get a shoe thrown at me by a mean old man!

 _(She sticks her tongue out at Mr. Grouse who's looking out his window.)_

"Go back to sleep, Loud! It's the middle of the night!" He shouted grouchily at her.

"That's the best time to be awake, Grouse!" Lana shouted back and resumed her stroll. She came across an overflowing garbage can and took off the lid.

 **Lana:**

Get a lil' extra dessert from a garbage can

 _(She takes out an unfinished piece of chocolate cake, still sitting on a paper plate. There's a few bugs crawling around on it, but she doesn't mind at all and eats it all instead. She then tosses the plate away like a frisbee at the screen and she seemingly disappears, only for her to jump out in a muddy puddle, covered in the substance)_

Meow~

Yeaaah, don't cross my path!

 _(As she walks around completely muddy, a black cat leaps onto her shoulder and hands on while she continues walking. She pets it occasionally and it purrs. A mouse then appears and the cat hops off to chase after it)_

I don't bother chasing mice around (whoa no!)

 _(She finds a dark, spooky alleyway and starts walking down there as well. A much larger shadowy figure appears behind her)_

I slick down the alley, lookin' for a fight!

 _(She turns around and tosses a wrench at it, hitting it right in the head and making it fall over. She picks it up and starts singing into it as though it were a microphone)_

Howlin' to the moonlight on a hot summer niiiight!

Singing 'bout something grody while the girly girls hurl

Wild stray tomcat, you're a real gone girl

 _(She jumps on top of a garbage can lid and over the fence while a few other cats follow her)_

I wish I could be as carefree and wild

But I've got no class and I've got my own styyyyle~

 _(She continues walking while random passersby, both driving and walking on foot, stop for a second to do a double take and give her strange looks. She doesn't pay any attention to them and instead heads down to the Royal Woods Dump. She slips in through a hole that was cut in the gate and the stray cats follow her)_

"Y'know, I kinda do wonder what other people think about me. Am I really going about life the wrong way?" Lana asked once inside. One of the cats tilted its head in confusion and blinked slowly.

"Ehh, you know what? I'm the toughest kid on the block-"

" _HEY!"_ Two voices called from behind her. She looked back and saw Hank and Hawk entering the area. "Aren't you Stinkoln's sister?"

"Yeah, well what's it to you?"

"You see, he lured us into that corn maze last Halloween." Hank started.

"And you and the rest of those sissies gave us a scare. We didn't get to take home the candy we stole either!" Hawk added in angrily.

"So what we're gonna do… is return the favor!" They said in unison and charged toward her.

The "stray tomcat" only laughed and whistled while pointing at them. "Cats, attack!"

 **Lana:**

I don't bother chasin' cowards around (whoa no!)

 _(As the cats swarmed after Hawk, Lana got grabbed by Hank)_

I slink down the alley, lookin' for a bite

 _(She sank her teeth into one of his muscular arms, drawing blood and making him drop her as he yelled in pain)_

Howlin' to the moonlight on a hot summer niiiight!

 _(She and the cats switched opponents. After ducking each attempt to get a punch in, she responded by decking him and landing the blow.)_

Slingin' mud around, while some idiots lay down curled

Wild stray tomcat, you're a real gone girl

 _(Hank and Hawk back off, but don't run away.)_

I wish I could be as carefree and wild

But I got no class and I got my own styyyyle~

 _(She spits a loogie towards their direction and struts away out of the dump with the cats following her back to the alley, where they decide to stay. She instead goes along her way back to her house.)_

"Whoa, that sure was intense." She said to herself as she climbed up the house and crawled into the open window in her and Lola's room.

"Wh- _who's there?!"_ Lola demanded without taking off her sleeping mask.

"It's me, Lana." She changed into her nightgown and got ready to crawl into bed but was stopped short.

"Did you sneak out again?"

"Yeah, why?"

"...you really need to stop doing that. You might get into a fight or something."

Lana was a little bit bruised from her little scuffle from earlier, but was mostly muddy. "Fine. I still had a good time, though."

Lola sniffed the air. "And go wash up, it smells like garbage in here. And go to sleep, and don't wake me up."

"Whatever you say." Lana walked out of the room, still humming her little song to herself as she did so.

 _ **(End.)**_


	5. Sissy Knows Best

_**(A/N): Finally back with another chapter/musical number, and this one's the first to have one of the Louds singing about/to another one of their siblings rather than to themselves or a side character. I think it could work for the whole "interconnecting story" thing I wanna have here of how the characters of The Loud House would be in a musical. And for that, I'll give you a hint for what Leni's song might be - it has something to do with a response to this one. And yes, I know Lori might be a little out of character here, but I couldn't help but think that Mother Knows Best would fit her so well.**_

 _ **OwlLegendary000: Y'know, that works pretty well too. Lori certainly does fit as someone like Scar, minus the evil bit. As for Luan's song, now you've given me an idea! Previously, I was stuck on what song would fit Luan, but now that you brign it up, "Friend Like Me" would be perfect.**_

 _ **Jay Jay Viglirol: Yes you may, I added a part like that just for you.**_

* * *

 _(The scene opens with Lori and Leni in their room, with the door slightly ajar. Leni is holding a letter and seems quite happy, though Lori less so.)_

"You want to go to _college?"_ Lori asked in an unhappy tone. " _Ugh."_ She walked over and shut the door before turning around and nearly cradling Leni in her arms. "Look at you, fragile as a flower. I know everyone likes you, but you're also… how can I say this? Gullible?"

"But, like, I got this scholarship thingy-" Leni got cut off by Lori suddenly breaking into song. The scene zoomed into Lori's eye momentarily before zooming out for the next part.

 **Lori:**

You know why we've kept you home

Instead of letting you off the leash to roam

 _(Suddenly, Lori's holding a leash attached to a collar that Leni didn't even know she was wearing beforehand)_

 **Leni:**

 _(Starts trying to pull off the collar, to no avail)_

Not really-

 **Lori:**

That's right, to keep you safe and sound, dear

I didn't think I would have to lecture you here

Though I guess it's only natural to want to leave the nest

Just because you can make a decent vest

 _(She holds up one of Leni's newly made vests and places it back down)_

 **Leni:**

But-

 **Lori:**

 _(brings a finger to her lips and shushes her)_

Shh!

Trust me, pet

Sissy… knows… best!

 _(She flicks the lightswitch off, turning the room dark. Leni takes out her phone and turns it on flashlight mode to provide some illumination.)_

Sissy knows best

Listen to your older sister

 _(Leni turns the phone flashlight to her left, only to be startled by Lori holding her arms above her head with her fingers curled like claws and baring her teeth)_

It's a scary world out there

Sissy knows best

You might even get a blister

 _(She yanks Leni's hair enough to make her drop her phone and land on her butt. The phone's flashlight eerily shines off of their faces)_

Something will go wrong, I _swearrr!_

Ruffians, thugs!

 _(Lori opens the door and gestures to outside the hall, where Lynn and Lana are brawling, growling, biting and scratching like wild animals)_

Poison ivy, quicksand!

 _(Lisa holds up a similar-looking plant with gloves, distracting Leni long enough for Lori to throw some sand at her)_

Cannibals and snakes

 _(Lola looms behind Leni with a grin full of razor sharp teeth, while El Diablo slithers over her shoulders and hisses in her face)_

The plague!

 _(Lucy appears while wearing a plague doctor mask and holding a bright green lantern)_

 **Leni:**

No!

 **Lori:**

Yes!

 **Leni:**

But-

 **Lori:**

 _(Holds a spider in her hand, startling Leni again and making her let out a gasp of fear)_

Also large spiders

People with pointy teeth!

 _(She yanks Lincoln into the room and uses her fingers to pull his lips open to reveal his not-so-pointy teeth, confusing both him and Leni. She then pushes him out of the room and shuts the door again, now exaggeratedly feigning sorrow, complete with a dramatic hand to her forehead and her head tilted back)_

And stop, no more, this is just upsetting me…

 _(Lori goes over to a scared Leni hiding under her bed and pulls her out into a constricting hug)_

Sissy's right here

Your big sister will protect you…

Now, here is what I suggest!

Skip the fuss, just stay with us

Sissy… knows… best!

 _(She lets go of the hug and disappears into the darkness. Leni finds a few mini flashlight keychains and holds them one at a time, but Lori just flicks them out of her hands each time she tries to use one)_

Sissy knows best, take it from Lori

On your own, you won't make it with just your threads

 _(She takes out a mirror and shows Leni her reflection)_

Underdressed, unfocused

 _(She bends the mirror down and, while Leni is distracted, swipes at her legs and makes her trip forward to the right)_

Immature, clumsy, get it through your head!

 _(Lori picks her up and throws her onto Leni's bed)_

They'll tear you to shreds!

Gullible, naive,

Positively grubby-

 **Leni:**

What does that even me-

 _(Lori puts a finger to Leni's lips and shushes her again)_

 **Lori:**

Ditsy and a bit, well… vague?

 _(She shrugs and pokes Leni's rather flat stomach)_

And you're literally getting kinda chubby

 _(Lori notices Leni frowning and stops to caress her face, though a little roughly)_

I'm just saying, 'cuz I wuv you!

Lori understands, Lori's here to help you!

All I have is one _requeeeeeest!_

 _(She turns the light back on and pulls Leni into a hug and strokes her hair with a serious expression)_

"Don't _ever_ try to leave me, or us, ever again." Lori demanded strictly.

Leni lingered there for a moment before bowing her head down sadly. "Yes, Lori."

Lori sighed and pulled her chin up to gaze into her eyes with a sorrowful look. "I love you very much. I might come off as a little strict, but don't forget that."

"I love you more."

"I love you most."

Amidst the hug, however, Leni rolled her eyes. Her eyebrows arched downwards into an angry expression, which went unnoticed by her older sister.

 **Lori:**

 _(Pats her head while softly singing her last lines)_

Don't forget it

You'll regret it

Sissy… knows… best.

 _ **(End.)**_


End file.
